My New York anniversary is in October. So knowing I needed to stop procrastinating and get this show back on the road, I thought it would be super cool to relaunch on my anniversary. I had that thought on October 10th. I then did the research and realized my anniversary was on October 7th. Oops. Classic me.
I mean, that’s basically how this whole blog even came to be. Once upon a time, I had all these great ideas of what I was going to do with my life, but then I looked up and all the ideal dates, that I had in mind, had passed. And there I was (also: here I am) not married, no kids and no real career. Late.
So what’s a girl to do?
Well… there are quite a few options: Panic. Depression. Fear. Despair. Blame. Retracing steps. Rehashing what-ifs. Rekindling old flames. Regretting mistakes. Regretting not making mistakes. Rekindling mistakes. Regretting rekindling mistakes. Repenting. Refocusing. Letting go. Netflixing. Chilling. Being chill about it. Giving up altogether. Realizing I’m fine. Not even caring. Caring a little. Hoping again… Lather, rinse, repeat. Been there, done that. Always there, always doing that to some extent. But you know what? The darker sides of the cycle are getting less and less airtime. Because, honestly, I just don’t have time for them. I’m already late. Which is actually kind of freeing…
We all have timelines with milestones we’d like to hit and BEST BY dates in mind. I certainly did. And you know what? Aside from the regulated childhood ones that had to do with school and vaccinations, I didn’t hit any of them. Learning to drive: Late. Finishing college: Late. First kiss: Late. (note: these are not necessarily in chronological order.) Moving out of parent’s house: Late. First serious relationship: Late. Traveling outside the country: Late. Moving to New York: Late. Knowing what I wanted to do with my life: Late. Doing what I want to do with my life: Late. Getting to work today (and yesterday)(…and tomorrow): Late. Are you sensing a theme? I certainly am. (Although it did take me awhile because… ya know… Late.)
Also, that was a trick question. Because there are two themes. And my life expectancy rises or falls based on which one I hold to.
Theme 1: I did all those things late.
Theme 2: I did all those things.
Both themes are true, but whichever one I focus on automatically makes me lose sight of the other one. Don’t believe me? Try it. I’ll wait.
When I obsess about how late everything has been, I forget to celebrate the fact that it all has been. And that’s dumb, because I have a pretty good life. Now. True, I haven’t achieved/done/seen everything I’d like to yet. But that’s the key word: YET. And when I remember that, when I take a moment to think about all I still have to look forward to… well suddenly, late doesn’t seem so bad. In fact… so far, it’s always worked out just fine. Better late than never? Yeah. Duh. But also… maybe some things are just better late.
(ps… I decided to relaunch the blog on the October 14th: the seventh day after October 7th which was my New York seventh anniversary. See – better late.)